выброс эмоций. закрытка далекоShit.
I just feel scared and pathetic, and my back aches, and now my hp aches more and more, and sitting aches, and walking aches, and lying aches too, there is no bloody position in this fucking world that i can keep for more that 15 minutes solid and that scares me and the doctors say nothing but vague stuff and offer some painkillers but it's not that bad i can tolerate it but i don't fucking want to and it grinds on me and the season is coming and i don't feel able to do the tours i don't feel able going in the subway without hating everyone and the bloody rules and they just say nothing and it got only worse and i'm tired of the fucking mess i can't clean properly and i don't want to damn lay in bed all the time but i can't do anything properly and the panic attacks started and i started my medication again and i do need some throat spray because that does help the spasms but i'm sick of all the meds and want to be healthy again and i can't run or dance or ride the bike or just plain do the morning excersise properly and there is no way to let the extra energy out and that wears me off and i feel like i bored just everyone around me with my health and it shouldn't be such a great deal but i'm scared and that just doesn't end and i don't know what to do if it doesn't end and i'm fucking scared and keep repeating myself and shouldn't write that all here but that is like a cry out that i hope no one will bother to decipher but it should help me a bit. it does.
sorry.